Month 3....Still sick

The sickness is not getting better. So far pregnancy has been the worst experience of my life. I still can't eat or be around food. I have given up on the no caffeine thing. I tried to do it for 3 months. I told the doctors and they said...don't give that up if you can keep it down. They do want me to limit my intake. So, I started back drinking one cup of coffee in the morning and having a diet coke with a meal. It seems to ease the severe headaches I have been having.

All of the sickness, nausea, and depression has caused me to start having panic attacks. It feels like I am having a heart attack. I am so worried that you are not getting the right nutrients. I am still losing weight but, I don't know what to do. I am down 9 lbs at the end of the third month. My pants are getting tight around the waist but falling off everywhere else. I do need maturnity clothes now. I borrowed some maturnity clothes from Laurie Parks because I haven't felt like shopping. Laurie is about 1 foot taller than me so her pants are a bit too long. The shirts were great thou. Mom and I are going out to the mall and see if we can find me some stuff in the next few weeks.

My eyes are blood shot because, I have thrown up so much that the vessels in my eyes have bursted. The rash on my face is worse. They call it the MASK of pregancy. It looks aweful. They say it will go away once the baby gets here. My back and sides ache so bad, they say it is from the strain of throwing up so much. My platelets and sodium are very low. They suggested I take iron tablets...yeah right...those stayed down about 5 minutes. I have allergies and they have taken me off of all of my allergy medication so I now have a severe sinus infection for which they can give me nothing. My color isn't good and I feel sickly most of the time.

The doctors have now told me to go home and not try to work. I don't know how I am going to deal with not working. However, I haven't been getting much work done anyway this last month. I have been playing classical and piano music for the baby.